cumber-bitches

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (Page 280)

  • Hazel: Touch the cave wall.
  • Computer: You touch the cave wall. It is moist.
  • Isaac: Lick the cave wall.
  • Computer: I do not understand. Repeat?
  • Hazel: Hump the moist cave wall.
  • Computer: You attempt to jump. You hit your head.
  • Isaac: Not jump. HUMP.
  • Computer: I don't understand.
  • Isaac: Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL.
  • Computer: You attempt to ju-
  • Hazel: Thrust pelvis against the cave wall.
  • Computer: I do not-
  • Isaac: Make sweet love to the cave.
  • Computer: I do not-
  • Hazel: FINE. Follow left branch.
  • Computer: You follow the left branch. The passage narrows.
  • Hazel: Crawl.
  • Computer: You crawl for one hundred yards. The passage narrows.
  • Hazel: Snake crawl.
  • Computer: You snake crawl for thirty yards. A trickle of water runs down your body. You reach a small mound of rocks blocking your passageway.
  • Hazel: Can I hump the cave now?
  • Computer: You cannot jump without standing.
  • Isaac: I dislike living in a world without Augustus Waters.
  • COmputer: I don't understand-
  • Isaac: Me neither. Pause.
cumber-bitches

o-dawgtheinvincible:

sigmarikz:

certaflyably:

thirstingaintdead:

Top 3 phrases that’ll create sexual tension

  1. "Make me",
  2. "oh really",
  3. "is that so"

"prove it"

"What’s in it for me?"

"The Black Death was one of the most devastating pandemics in human history, resulting in the deaths of an estimated 75 to 200 million people and peaking in Europe in the years 1348–50 CE."

tyleroakley
troyesivan:

hiiiiii everyone! 
SO the time has come to release my first ever single, Happy Little Pill. I have spent the large majority of the last few years of my life on this website, hanging with you guys, that it only felt right to premiere it a day or two early on here haha
I wrote this song during a bit of a rough time for someone super close to me, and for myself, and it still means as much to me as the day i wrote it, and i’m still as in love with it as the day i wrote it (which is rare for me!!). I couldn’t be prouder to be giving it to you guys today :’) Thanks for sticking around for so long, for supporting me and other online talent, and for now listening! I have the best and craziest and most committed audience in the world, and I love you all endlessly.
Happy Little Pill is available everywhere July 25, along with the preorder for TRXYE.
TRXYE is out August 15. 
Click here to keep updated!
<3
Troye x
Links: Twitter | Instagram | YouTube | Facebook

troyesivan:

hiiiiii everyone! 

SO the time has come to release my first ever single, Happy Little Pill. I have spent the large majority of the last few years of my life on this website, hanging with you guys, that it only felt right to premiere it a day or two early on here haha

I wrote this song during a bit of a rough time for someone super close to me, and for myself, and it still means as much to me as the day i wrote it, and i’m still as in love with it as the day i wrote it (which is rare for me!!). I couldn’t be prouder to be giving it to you guys today :’) Thanks for sticking around for so long, for supporting me and other online talent, and for now listening! I have the best and craziest and most committed audience in the world, and I love you all endlessly.

Happy Little Pill is available everywhere July 25, along with the preorder for TRXYE.

TRXYE is out August 15. 

Click here to keep updated!

<3

Troye x

Links: Twitter | Instagram | YouTube | Facebook

amazingtroyler

mollycroftumlt:

lolsomeone-actually:

ibilateral:

thecraziie:

awsomedean:

slutmost:

every girl can relate to this okay

BAHAHAHAHAHA I MEASURED

10000% done

HAHAHHHAHA,

I think the funniest thing is guys thinking a big dick is better.

Yo, some girls can’t even take a full 6 Inches because it hurts, what do you think 11 Inches would do. Jesus christ.

Dont forget the “what, no invite?? ;)” like shut the fuck up with yo weak ass 7th grade game boy

reblogging that twice as its soo true